#1 shisus disciple (sweetshisus) wrote,
#1 shisus disciple
sweetshisus

atmosphere [2]

title: atmosphere
pairing: ken/hongbin (vixx)
rating: r
plot: ken is not here.
warnings: I didn't want to explicitly state them in case they seem spoilery but click here if you're interested.
author's note: this is really heavy....so pls proceed at your own caution ;o; also all the ken/hongbin moments were inspired by this gif. also, trying out a new fic writing style! hope it is to people's liking ;;;;;

part two. 639 words

it's not about all the sorrows you make
just knowing that I'll fade away


hongbin couldn't remember a time when jaehwan hadn't been comfort, hadn't been a place to call home. hongbin couldn't remember jaehwan ever being a stranger.

hongbin had never believed in kismet or soulmates or any of that nonsense. in fact, he had been certain they didn't exist, but how else could he explain the electric connection he had felt every day jaehwan had been with him?

it was the way jaehwan laced his fingers through hongbin's. without a word, jaehwan would rub his thumb  against hongbin's softly and steadily until hongbin's nerves settled. it was the way jaehwan let hongbin sleep on his shoulder after a long day, even if it meant jaehwan didn't sleep all night. jaehwan wouldn't move an inch, in fear of disturbing hongbin's sleep, and when hongbin woke, it was jaehwan's arms that snaked around his waist with beautiful familiarity. it was the way jaehwan would nuzzle hongbin's face, his eyes roaming every inch of skin. he would whisper, you're perfect, before kissing hongbin ever so gently.

and now these were the hands he'd never hold again. the fingers he'd never feel against his waist. the lips he'd never taste. the legs he'd never curl between.

hongbin wasn't here, either.

there were consolations hongbin didn't care to hear. I know jaehwan was your best friend. I know jaehwan meant so much to you. I know this hurts.

no one could ever know.


the boys found him, days later, unwashed and unkempt, surrounded by broken glass and photos. hongbin looked at them when they walked in, and, with a voice that cracked on every syllable, said, he's not here anymore.

it wasn't until sanghyuk dug through the trash that he realized the photos were of jaehwan.

***********

hongbin was told he had a problem, that he couldn't keep going back, that it was too late. you need to let go, he was told over and over again.

hongbin had never been so happy to disobey what others told him to do in his life.

no, not life. death.

he would get dressed in the still silence of night and sneak away. he walked every time, relishing the sound of his explosive heart beat in his ears, and hearing it quicken every time he stopped to let a crying fit pass.

he didn't touch anything. he didn't dare to, he didn't dare to defile this spot, to defile jaehwan the way that the paramedics had the day they came. they had lifted his frail body from the wreckage only to give up on saving him. hongbin had beat on the ambulance doors, screaming for them to do something, to bring jaehwan back to him. he had screamed so loudly he was certain he had shattered his lungs.

but for nothing.

so he came here to pay his respects, whatever that meant. he would stare at the patch of blood on the ground, the one he knew so well he could probably draw the splatter from memory on a sheet of paper. it was jaehwan's blood, once so vividly red but now a dark stain hongbin wished he could wash off of him.

in the silence, he felt dead but at least he was with jaehwan again.

hakyeon was the one who found out first. he had stayed awake, following hongbin out of the room and onto the street. hongbin had cried as much as he could, sobs that wracked his entire body and made him feel as brittle and capable of being crushed as the car that had ripped jaehwan from him. and hakyeon had emerged from the shadows to take hongbin's hand and walk him home.

hakyeon's hands were solace in that moment, but it would never be home.

jaehwan, please come home.


part three
Tags: fic, hongbin, ken, multipart : atmosphere, vixx
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