#1 shisus disciple (sweetshisus) wrote,
#1 shisus disciple
sweetshisus

atmosphere [3]

title: atmosphere
pairing: ken/hongbin (vixx)
rating: r
plot: ken is not here.
warnings: I didn't want to explicitly state them in case they seem spoilery but click here if you're interested.
author's note: this is really heavy....so pls proceed at your own caution ;o; also all the ken/hongbin moments were inspired by this gif. also, trying out a new fic writing style! hope it is to people's liking ;;;;;

part three. 636 words

for the blue and the black of the darkest of colors
are all that remain


jaehwan was lost. he had been wandering for what seemed like days, but he no longer knew how to tell time. the sun rose and fell but with surprising inconsistency, and the stars at night blinked away too fast for him to use them as a guide. he had nothing to rely on but his own perception, and he could not trust that anymore. since the accident, nothing seemed sure anymore, not even his own death.

the road where he died never seemed to end. every turn, every mile led him back to the same spot. the police had cleared the remnants of the crash away,  had taken what was left of the car to be repaired. jaehwan had watched as they lifted his body onto a stretcher and drove away, astonished he felt nothing at all.

but despite their best efforts, no one could do anything about the pool of blood on the ground. his blood.

he supposed it wasn't such a bad thing, to never leave this spot. at least he could see hongbin, every day. at least he wasn't really gone.

but the agony sliced through jaehwan, watching hongbin hover over the spot of blood, weeping soundlessly. he seemed more sleepless and devastated each time jaehwan saw him, and jaehwan wanted to do nothing more than to reach out and stroke his cheek, kiss his lips.

the last time jaehwan had tried that, his fingers had gone right through hongbin. he would never try that again. he could never try that again.

I love you, jaehwan had tried to telepathically communicate to hongbin the first day. he had long given up on speaking to hongbin; he couldn't even hear himself anymore. I love you I love you I love you but hongbin stayed as remote as ever, his fingers caressing the ground and his lower lip wobbling precariously.

memories of the accident would return with stark clarity, when jaehwan was least expecting it. at first, it was the memory of the minivan charging at his car. then, it was the memory of the driver shouting. then, it was the memory of the burning metal searing through his face.

soon, they began to replace memories of hongbin. jaehwan feared this most of all, feared that he would open his eyes each new day to the thought of death rather than to hongbin's toothy smile and his crinkled eyes.

somehow, losing hongbin was worse than death itself.

***********

jaehwan was grateful, relieved even, that life went on without him. that is, until what seemed like years later, when hongbin stopped coming to see him.

at first, jaehwan had attributed it to his confusion about time. he barely knew what was a Tuesday or a Friday or October or July. so he was certain that if he waited a few more hours, hongbin would arrive. he had to.

hongbin wasn't here. not anymore.

jaehwan had, with a crestfallen heart, continued walking, past the spot, knowing he'd return momentarily to walk the same path again.

but inexplicably, jaehwan found himself in hongbin's room, watching hongbin sleep. hongbin's fingers were kneaded so tightly around a photo of the two of them that his knuckles were turning white from the strain.

jaehwan slid into the bed, remembering that when he had done that before, when he was alive, hongbin would always wake and murmur sleepily. he was silent now.

jaehwan stayed there for what seemed like forever, listening to the ragged sounds of hongbin breathing. occasionally, he would whimper and cry out, and jaehwan would reach out helplessly, fingers phasing right through hongbin's arms. it hurt every time.

when hongbin woke, jaehwan was gone.

no, not life. death.

it was time to move on.
Tags: fic, hongbin, ken, multipart : atmosphere, vixx
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